Almost Lover
by Semblance of Sanity
Summary: "Goodbye, my almost lover/ Goodbye, my hopeless dream...I should've known you'd bring me heartache/ Almost lovers always do." Sirius leaves, and Narcissa is heartbroken.


_Written for Mel-Mel (MelodyPond77), because she wanted a song!fic of Almost Lover by A Fine Frenzy. If you've never listened to the song, I highly recommend it! This fic follows the plot of the song pretty closely; however, you don't need to know the song to understand the fic. :)_

* * *

Narcissa stood by the window, staring but not seeing. The door slammed against the wall with the wind; _bang, bang, bang._ She didn't hear it. She was frozen in the moment he had left her, suddenly lost without the assurance of his love to hold her afloat.

"_I've been offered a position as Auror liason with Russia."_

_Narcissa grinned. "Sirius, that's great! I _told _you your boss didn't -"_

"_I leave tomorrow."_

"_You - what?"_

"_The position is in Russia." Sirius avoided her eyes, wandering around her house and touching everything. "I need to get settled before the International Wizard Convention of International -"_

"_You're leaving? For how long?"_

_Sirius stopped to frown at her. "Indefinitely. It's my new job, Cissa. I can't just live here and portkey my way across dozens of borders every morning."_

_Narcissa huffed. "I understand that, but don't you think we should have talked about this before you went and decided to move across the _continent?"

_Sirius blinked. "Talked? About _my _job offers? Why the hell would we do that? It's my life, Narcissa. What makes you think you get a say in it?"_

He had promised her forever. Maybe not with words, but definitely with his eyes. Merlin, how could she have been so _stupid_ to believe that he loved her?

* * *

_Sirius had taken Narcissa to the beach for the first time ("You've never been to the ocean? Merlin, 'Cissa, do your parents let you do anything?") and they laid out under funny-looking trees, playing "Would You Rather?" and rubbing sun oil on each other's skin, each touch lingering longer than necessary._

_When the sun went down and the stars came out, they laid blankets around a fire on the beach. He brought out a beautiful guitar and sang her Spanish lullabies until her eyes drooped, then he laid down beside her and watched her sleep as he ran his fingers through her hair. _

* * *

She didn't want him to be unhappy, and she knew how much this promotion meant to him, but she wished they could have _talked_ about this.

She would have gone with him if he had asked. But he hadn't asked, he hadn't _talked._ He had only declared and then left, and she couldn't _function._ Maybe if they had had more time, she could have coped better, could have _adjusted_ to the thought of him leaving "indefinitely," but no, he had sprung it on her and run away like she would be okay with it, or so he wouldn't have to deal with her upset by it - hell if she knew.

Oh, why did he ever have to complicate her life? She was perfectly fine before him, thank you very much, and now she couldn't even move from the window.

* * *

_He took her flying on his motorcycle in the dark, him hollering and her laughing. They touched down and drove on the highway, which was less frightening, until a police car appeared out of no where and chased them for a while. They went around a bend that was hidden by trees and Sirius launched them into the air._

_Narcissa giggled the whole flight to the city. They parked and hid the bike, then walked arm in arm down the street, smiling and blushing and teasing._

_He took her to a "ballet," a Muggle form of entertainment involving dancing, and she cried. He teased her the entire way home, and didn't kiss her at the door, even though she leaned against the doorway flirtatiously as they said their goodbyes. _

* * *

If only he hadn't kissed her _now,_ as he _left_, she might have been able to believe he had never cared at all, but he _had_ cared and didn't love her back, and that was almost worse.

"_Did you ever love me?"_

"'_Cissa…"_

_He touched the side of her face and suddenly his mouth was on hers, warm and gentle, and he hadn't done that before, no matter how many times she had baited him or teased him or _wanted _him to, and she was too surprised to be angry - but she was angry, because _how dare he do that now, _with sad eyes and a hard face and that _gentleness _that didn't belong to him_. _It wasn't fair, but she didn't want him to stop. But he did, and nothing in the world could have stopped her from wrapping her arms around his waist and burying her face in his shirt._

"_I won't ever forget, alright? I won't ever forget…" he whispered in her hair, and then nudged her away. "Bye, 'Cissa." _

_She turned away so she wouldn't see him leave, and so he wouldn't see her cry. He sighed and left without closing the door, leaving it banging in the wind._

* * *

"'Cissy!" Bella glided into the room, collapsing on the couch. "You'll never guess what Mother did _this_ time - Cissy? Are you even listening?"

She jumped up and inserted herself between her sister and the window. "Earth to Narcissa."

Narcissa blinked. "Mhmm?"

Bella frowned. "What's wrong? What happened?"

"Nothing," she lied, pasting on a smile. "Nothing's wrong," because nothing was - Sirius had probably already forgotten her, was probably flirting with every damn girl in Russia.

"Alright then, weirdo." Bella laughed and tugged her away from the window. "So I was visiting Rookwood in the Ministry, and Mother has gone and _inserted _herself into the Department of -"

* * *

"Sirius, you know the Order needs you and Remus in Russia," James reminded him for the umpteenth time, glancing at over at Remus, who was keeping one eye on his translating and one eye on the Firecall.

Sirius sighed dramatically from his position in front of the fireplace. "I still don't see why she couldn't have come with us. She's really smart - almost as smart as Moony, and definitely better looking."

Remus snorted, and James rolled his eyes. "Because she's not part of the Order. She could endanger the whole mission. You know all this; I don't understand why you are -"

"She wouldn't have 'endangered the mission.' She would have -"

James sighed. "She's a purist, Padfoot. What if she is loyal to ol' Voldy?"

"She's not!"

Remus put away his translation and turned his attention to the conversation. "You don't know that for sure. You lied to her about this. How do you know she didn't lie to you about that."

Sirius hugged his knees to his chest, furiously blinking back tears. "You don't know her like I do."

Remus nodded slowly. "You're right. I don't."

Sirius sniffed, and they all pretended he wasn't crying. "She could have - maybe she would have -"

"Maybe she would have. But could you have asked that of her, anyway? To make these sacrifices? You know where we are going tomorrow. Could you really bring her meet with feral werewolves?"

"No, I just - I just wish I could have told her. She probably hates me."

James shook his head vehemently. "I'm sure she could never -"

"I'm sure she does," Remus interrupted, ignoring James' frown.

Sirius stared at Remus for a long time before nodding slowly. "I think that's better - for her to be mad, I mean."

James laughed humorlessly. "How would that be better?"

Remus eased on to the floor near Sirius. "Anger is easier to cope with than loss." He put a hand on Sirius' shoulder. "You made the right decision. This is better, for her."

Sirius nodded, his eyes drifting to the window. "I hope so."

* * *

_For the Disney Competition: Cooper; For the Interesting Words Challenge: __Katzenjammer; For the War of the Elemental Song Quotes Competiton: EARTH: I know it's mad, but if the world were ending would you kiss me or just leave me? -Panic! at the Disco, "Do You Know What I'm Seeing?"; For the Spell, Curse, and Charm Competiton: Rennervate; For the Oh the Thinks You Can Think Competition: The Grinch; For the TV Show Competiton: Charmed; For the Delirium Challenge: _"I guess that's just part of loving people: You have to give things up. Sometimes you even have to give them up."


End file.
